Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
