Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
