This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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