Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
