the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
