Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
