what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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