I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
