the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
