Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
