Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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