you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
