Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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