ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
