So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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