I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
