did you get engaged???
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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