...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
