I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
