At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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