remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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