So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
