Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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