So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
