you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am midnight drunk by noon
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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