I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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