So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
