Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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