I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
accomplished twins. life is a go
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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