I want to walk on stilts...naked
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
