I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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