I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
