i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
