do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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