Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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