I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
