Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
