My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
