I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
