i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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