i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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