Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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