if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
