direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
