Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
