Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
