If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
