if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
