You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
