Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
