Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You are the jesus of drinking
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
