Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
