When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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