I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
