He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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