After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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