How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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