i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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