either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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