I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
