I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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